O Weary Wanderer, Find Your Way Again.

Have you ever had those moments where you have sort of lost something, but vaguely remember where it is? That feeling of “Ugh I knew it was there”! Well, to be honest this is how I’ve felt about myself for two years. If we’re being REALLY honest, I would also tell you that I’ve never really been myself. I’ve been: too scared, not bold enough, insecure, and any other lie from the enemy I’ve believed about why I shouldn’t be free. There are, however, a few people who have seen the real LT, in all my chaotic and ghetto self.  These people are few and far between.

When I moved here just over two years ago, I kind of lost myself for a little bit. You might be wondering what that means. When you find out will you tell me?! All I know is that the go-getter, sassy, outgoing, people-loving and strong person I was becoming went somewhere… without me! I could blame it all on the move, moving 6 times in 7 months, working 2-3 jobs before landing a full-time job, and trying to get connected. But to be honest I lived through that season like a boss (with the strength of the Lord of course. Did I have my moments of breakdowns? Yes. I have a list of people you can check with to verify. But for a 20-year-old girl moving away from family I dominated that experience. (just sayin’).

However 2013 was a mind-blowing year of spiritual growth… And that is saying something after 2012. You can read a little about that experience here. Not that I’m trying to over spiritualize everything, but I think that part of “losing” myself was part of a much bigger plan God had for my life. See, in 2011, just weeks before I sporadically moved and jumped into a new life I was part of an amazing internship that rocked my world. Essentially it is great as a discipleship tool in your own life but also equipping you to be a disciple maker. You can learn more about that internship here. During that internship I remember praying and asking God to please help me experience all He had to offer to me. I wanted to have a relationship with Him like David did (minus all the crazy things David did).

So at the beginning of last year I panicked a little when I realized I didn’t know who I was. I could sense in myself changes and I didn’t know why. I felt trapped because I wasn’t sure why I couldn’t just be myself and why I was closing off from the world. It was irritating and no one has time for that! The point is this: my identity was never grounded in Christ. I could tell you all the things the Bible tells us we are as believers; but knowing these truths in a way that was being lived out was another story. I had been living and believing lies about who I was. God was HONORING my prayer from two years prior. He was allowing me to fall apart in a sense so that He could refine me to be myself and all that He wants me to be, but from the right base (which is Christ)!

And it might sound dumb, but I don’t care- I’m owning it! Last week I decided to make some mini valentine’s day bags filled with chocolate. As I was doing that I realized “I’m back!” And it’s not because of something I’m trying to do in my own strength either; it’s been through having the right view of who I am and having a right relationship with the person who created us!

There are still lots of things I’m thinking through and trying to figure out, but I just wanted to encourage you with these things:

1. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. Make sure your view of yourself and of others is through the right lenses. I’ll give you a hint. It starts  with B and ends with i-b-l-e. If you are living from a belief that is not with the Word you are NOT free. 
2. Being lost isn't always a bad thing. If you are in a season of feeling lost, and maybe it’s not about who you are but something else, it’s not always bad! It’s how you handle it that will bring different fruit. Seek God, pray, stay in the Word and live by what you know is true. There are good seasons and not so good seasons. Don’t believe the enemy when he tells you that if you aren't always in a good season that you are a bad Christian. Perservere! It’s a good thing J